It's a calling... of which I lack

Disjointed rant ahead.

Nowadays, I can totally understand why people said that it is a calling. People who do not have it will not last long. I can feel it now. The feeling of being stretched (not in a good way) thin and my own inadequacies in my profession. I used to laugh and take things in my stride but I find that increasingly hard to do. I don't want the kids to suffer because of my inadequacies but it's so hard to find the time for them. I especially find it frustrating when I don't have the time for extra lessons with them. What's more contradictory is that I don't want to give up my life for them.

If the kids are good, I really don't mind giving up part of my weekend for them. Like my sec 4s, they're fantastic, therefore, I don't really mind if they need more of my time. But looking at the sec 3s I feel drained. I'm not even comparing them to my previous classes anymore. I still feel drained. I hate being a form teacher. All the forms to collect, the problematic kids to handle, the complaints from other teachers, their lack of motivation, their lack of responsibility. It's all killing me. I want to teach, not be an administrator. If I got to be an administrator, then I'd rather be a full-time adminstrator, not a part time teacher on top of all the adminstrative work I got to do. It's really ridiculous.

Sometimes I just want to stone the day away. Don't feel like doing anything at all. Just heck it all to hell and let them handle themselves for a day or two. But the backlog of work is worse than before. So that's not a good idea.

That being said, I don't hate the kids. I just don't like their attitude. It seriously made me wonder what their parents have been teaching them at home. Sometimes they are adorable. Other times, they're like little monsters. I feel like inflicting pain on someone right now.... in fact, anyone will do.

God help the next person who provokes me. =_=