Dislike

I think we all feel the need to lash out at others. I know I do. Sometimes in malice and sometimes in ignorance. I’m not proud of myself at these times but I guess it's human nature. The ugly side of human nature. When you don’t like someone, it’s kinda hard to hide your feelings. I found it difficult. I still do. Though I think I can control my emotions rather well these days. But I still feel the need to lash out sometimes, to hurt and to show my dislike. I wouldn’t want to spend more time than necessary with the person (sometimes, that’s something I can’t avoid) and when I see him/her, I just feel really antagonistic and go into my “black saizou” mode. Totally unlike my sweet normal self. Haha... it makes the group uncomfortable. It's not their fault that I'm an antagonistic little harridan. And I feel bad about making the group uncomfortable for something that's totally not their fault.

The heart of the question would be “why”. Why do I dislike some people and not others? I like to think that it’s a clash of personalities. But I have to admit that biasness and prejudice do come into the picture as well. I have a rather fixed set of social values, and I fear that I’m somewhat rigid in my attitude. Maybe the problem lies with me and not the other person. Whatever the case, I fear that my dislike of certain individuals won’t just go away, and I have no intentions of reversing my opinions. So, I guess I’ll just have to learn to mask it better from now on. I shall endeavor to be a diplomat! >_<