Today...

Today I went for training and felt really happy. Even though the air-con was spoilt today and training in bougu was like being in a mini suana inside a huge suana. For that few hours every Sunday, I am only thinking about improving. Going back is really one of the best decisions I've made in a long long time. 

Today I was eating a water chestnut and thought to myself... if Toby was still around, he would have ran towards me and stare at me with those adorable eyes, begging for a treat -namely, the water chestnut I was eating. But Toby's not around anymore. I am perfectly fine most days and most times but sometimes, I would feel his loss keenly. Real grief comes in waves. J mentioned that it'll take time before the pain eases and all that's left are all the warm memories. I hope that stage comes asap. 

I was searching for the receipt of my new macbook in order to claim my LDS! But to my horror, it's nowhere to be found. Instead, I found a letter written by one of my ex-student 2 years back. He gave the letter to me when he came back to collect his results and it was also a happy birthday card. Reading it again really lifted my spirits. He was one of my first batch of students and really, they're special. Nothing else can really replace them. His words of gratitude made me equal parts happy as well as slightly ashamed. I think I've become more competent over the years and yet, I'm no longer as "involved" in my current kids as compared to this first batch. Back then, even though I'm really blur and incompetent at times, I can really say I gave it my all. Now, I feel that I held a little something back at times. Oh well, I guess there's still time for me to ratify this issue. I do miss my first batch sometimes but I also get the idea that kids grow up and there's only so much you can do for them. Some of them still keep in touch via msn and e-mail and I guess that's better than expected. 

The receipt's still nowhere to be found. My 400 bucks! T_T

Sunday

I skipped training today and stayed home. I used to resent the fact that I must spend at least some time at home on Sundays to take care of the dog. Now I wished that there is a dog for me to take care of. The house seems so empty without Toby and he was such a quiet dog. His presence is sorely missed. 

I saw the plate of chicken fingers my Tita fried before she left the house and it reminded me of last week when Toby gobbled down the whole plate before any of us realised that it was there. We were equal parts worried and amused because when it comes to food, Toby was really determined but he was slightly allergic to chicken. 

Writing about him in the past tense is really hard. 

All dogs go to heaven

I woke up at 3.48am and couldn't really get back to sleep. Perhaps it'll help if I write about it. Yesterday, my Toby passed on. It was the fits. The vet suspected brain tumour. He's only in his 7th year. I remember seeing the slight grey on his coat and thinking to myself, 'how did this get there so fast?' I remember him that morning, lying there sleeping as per usual, as he was always doing. =( I remember telling Tita that he needs a bath coz he's going to be without one the whole week Tita will be in hospital. According to mummy, he had a nice bath that morning and ate lunch before the fits occur. Mummy choose common cremation for Toby. At least he'll have friends there.

I think the person taking this the hardest is my Tita. She's the one who's always with Toby. Even mummy and daddy cried. But I think it hits her the most. I wish he's still around so I can hug him when I feel like it. I miss him so much.

But I definitely do not regret Toby. Had a short talk with J and we talked bout his past incidents and habits a little. I think he brought the family joy as well as a little trouble sometimes but mostly just joy. And my life is richer with his brief presence in my life. At least now, I can safely say. I actually like animals more than their human counterparts. Friends are different of course. Toby was more than a friend. He was family. Even though I do not regret Toby, I don't think I'll ever have another dog again. That peace-loving dog is irreplaceable.

I'm feeling the effects now....

Anyways, I guess it warrants a blog-post. I went back for training!! And the important thing was... I survived~ hehehe.... of course I'm feeling the after-effects of it now. I'm just not as young as I used to be. 

Strange thing is... I felt really horrid when I was lugging my bougu down for training.... but when it was time to put on the men... and when I was doing the kihon cuts, I felt really happy. Strangely so... like, so damn happy I'm in my bougu and training! I don't know how long this enthusiasm will last me. But I'm hoping it'll last for a long time yet! =)

And of course, my muscles are aching like crazy now. =_=

CIP with the kids

A series of Squares!

I love square photos!

So so busy!!

School's been crazy recently. My masters classes are rather hectic as well. Too much work piling up! Not a good thing at all. There's hardly any time to sit down and think about what I've been doing right or wrong in class. I make it a point not to bring markings home during the weekdays but found that I can't stick to it today. There's simply too much stuff to mark! It's bogging me down. And while I like my kids, all the inane stuff in school just kills me. There's no energy to do anything extra. Tomorrow will be another hectic day and Sat as well because of CIP with the kids and meeting up with the crazy colleagues(ex) in the evening!

Yosh! Have discipline! Must force myself to do work!! No more slacking and watching dramas...for these few days at the very least!

Pictures from Tokyo!

Growing up and apart?

Heh. My kids are adorable. Most of them anyway. Their trivial little troubles bothers them so much. I guess I was the same way back then. Then I grew up and those trivial little troubles seems so minute and insignificant. Time really plays a major role in a lot of things. We grow up, grow apart from some friends, make new ones, get interested in new things, lose interest in others. This cycle never seems to differ from individual to individual. It's kinda pointless to expect others to stay the same way when you're constantly changing yourself.

A few months ago, I'm very bothered by the fact that a friend was acting differently towards me. Was it something I did? Was it something I said? I guess on hindsight, we're just growing apart. I was really bothered ya know. Coz this friend is very important to me. Now, it all seems so trivial to me. I've not made any new friends in these few months, there's no new interests to occupy my mind... well, except photography. hehe... but other than that. I don't see how my life has changed in the past few months. But what seemed so important and bothered me so much then, hardly seems to matter now. I guess self-preservation kicks in and I began to pull back myself. Perhaps this friendship (of quite a few years I might add) might fizzle out... perhaps we just needed time away from each other... I don't know and while I can't say that it doesn't bother me at all, it's not that important to me now. Time really plays an important role in a lot of things. 

Maybe the problem lies with me. I'm just not that bothered to put in effort in most relationships. But what's the point? Nothing ever remains constant. Haha... maybe that's why it never lasts.

Ok.. this is rather funny IMO

I told my younger brother that I'll be heading a committee (albeit a small one) in school next year, and that committee is...... Character Education! 

Here's what he said, 

"Oh Gwad! Putting you in charge of character education is like putting Hitler in charge of Human Rights!"

Haha... that little fucker. =_=

End of the year! Again!

2008 has been ok in my humble opinion. Not as great as 2007 but it's cool. I missed my 4E5 and I think I'll miss my 4E3 this year. It's all part and parcel of them growing up and us growing old. T_T

Other than that, life's been pretty all right. Good friends, family in good health, great colleagues (now minus a few), good money (from slogging in hell), made more new friends, took up a new (and expensive) hobby. Yeah, life's pretty good at this moment in time.

December's really my favourite month of the year. In fact, I'm in such charity with the world that I can't really remember anything bad that happened earlier in the year.

December's also the month where I catch up on my reading that I've sadly neglected the rest of the year. In fact, I think I've read more books in December alone than the whole of the rest of the year. Let me count for a sec....wah... I just counted and (excluding the e-books), its bout 44 books. I would like to brag and post their titles online but the majority of those books are chick lit and/or romance and they don't really count. Haha... damn... I wish I had more time to bum around and read more books and watch more dramas before the damn term starts. 

L warned me that I'll regret saying I'm bored when I told her in Nov. T_T boo! Now I'm feeling the regret keenly.

But overall, December was good. Tokyo trip was fun and I wish Singapore has winter! +_+ okies. Enough of a disjointed and confused post. I'm off to read more books!

Assorted Pictures...

Tobacco

I wanna go out and play too.....

What's up? Get that camera out of my face!!

prone position!

Marina Barrage

Some sort of covering i guess... not too sure about that.

View of the Marina Barrage

The B&W version...

Thought he looked real small and defenseless. .. ok! i admit i felt sadistic for a second and wonder if it'll be easy to kick him into the water. =_=

I didn't dare to take pictures of the little girls in case their parents beat me up so i took a picture of their shadows. ahahha....

Random shot of kids playing with water

one of last shots of the day before my camera ran out of batt. =_=