Farewell!

And so, it's the end of an 'era' so to speak...

Our table... well most of us, the macik helped us to take the picture so she's not in it, or was it Sarene? Hmmm....

The guys at our table.

The five of us again! haha... no one left yet!

Managed to convince the shinanator to pose for a shot!

Me and Shin

Us with our lady boss, not to be confused with the big boss!

With the out-going 'boss' who was seriously kind to us... the new one don't seem so kind....

Shin with Sarene

Me and Sarene

Of the mothership...

Me and my mum... we don't get along when I was younger. It could be the temper I inherited from her, it could be that we don't see eye to eye on loads of stuff... but at the end of the day, it doesn't take much for us to clash esp during my teenage years. I wasn't a bad kid (as I would like to believe) but I was a stubborn kid. She even decided to move to ulu pasir ris partly because of me.

I had my wisdom tooth extracted yesterday. Woke up at 5 plus and couldn't take my anti-biotics coz bodoh me don't know how to cook porridge.... my mum woke up, ask me why I hadn't taken my meds and went on to cook porridge for me. I don't know why, but I feel really touched by this gesture. Usually when Tita was around, she wouldn't even step into the kitchen. Now, she's cooking porridge for me at 6plus in the morning when usually she's still sleeping. =)

Somehow, I think my mummy's great!~ =)

Realisations

I'm not a nice person.

I used to think that underneath the bluster and sarcasm and bitchiness, I'm really rather nice. That I wouldn't want to hurt the feelings of others if I can help it etc etc... But now I revised my opinion of myself. If it doesn't interest me then I really don't give a flying fuck.

Getting more self-centered as I grow older. haha... oh well, some people get nicer as they grow older and more mature. I guess I'm just the opposite.

Of bumming around...

And so, the weekend has passed me by. It was a good one. We should always remember the good stuff and forget bout the bad coz they don't really matter in the long run except to remind us about how bad we feel at that point in time. =P Let us list our little blessings...

1. No CCA! Oh man! you don't know how ridiculously happy I was (still am) at that notion!
2. Met up with some of the gang for makan and talk cock session at East Coast. The school's not the same without them I swear!
3. Went to the hot babe's place for hari raya and met up with even more old colleagues.
4. Done absolutely no work this weekend! LOL except some extra lessons with the kids but am happy doing that. =)
5. Bought myself a ridiculously expensive set of headphones and feeling happy about it!
6. Thought things through and realised that I'm not as affected as I thought I would be. To me, that's the greatest achievement this weekend. =)

All in all, a weekend well spent.

Of connections forged...

And so I attempted to clean my room yesterday.... and came across several old yearbooks. The pictures inside really do bring back memories. I look at my 4E5'07 and it just seems so long ago! But it only seems like yesterday when they were waving at me outside their classroom when I'm at the coffeeshop across the road. I know I'm going to miss my 4E4'09 as much if not more. Afterall, they're almost like my "babies".

I do feel that the kids are pretty important to me. But as time passes, this connection will fade. But as with friends, connections will fade over time as well. We all change as we grow older. Nothing is permanent. I'll try not to blame my pals if ever they did pull away and I hope my pals won't blame me if I do the same. Haha... enough of the morbid ramblings. I'm looking forward to the end of the year!! No more school!! Whee!

Now back to writing SGCs. =(

Teachers' Day '09

One of my very first batch of kids. Truth be told, I felt as though they were my kids.... hahaha....one of the very few moments when I truly felt maternal.

Today wasn't half-bad. It wasn't as entertaining as last year but the important thing about Teachers' Day was all about the kids. And this year, many of them came back for a short visit. MH and D came all the way back to see me even though they've graduated 2 years back. Truth be told, I was touched. YJ, Zul and Sally came back as well. =) But I really think they came back more to see their friends more than to see me. Haha... it was also good to see SL and MY, to know that they're doing well. My 4E3'08 came back as well and all looked just as cute! Grown up slightly but still adorable.

Truth be told, I love presents! This year, I had the same kinda presents as previous years, minus the cups. But then again, that's a good thing. It's hard to find storage space for ceramic stuff. Don't get me wrong, I love all the stuff. The wackier the better. A special mention this year would be the video made by the chipmunk where she sang and played the guitar. She's adorable lah, though always so naughty. But then, what I love the most are the cards the kids make. I think my form class really put in effort this year and while I do love the assorted little stuff toys, pens and the odd coaster here and there, I love their cards! I love the solidarity they presented to the school when we all came in our class t-shirts and the way they sang the Barney song for me and wished me "Happy Teachers' Day" right smack in the corridor.

I can really say that I will miss this batch when they graduate this year. They might not have been the best class academically or even in terms of attitude and whatnots, but they're definitely the best in my point of view. They have spirit and character and I guess that's what counts for the most! Haha... in my point of view at least. =) I'll take good care of the cards they made and when I'm feeling down bout my work, I'm sure they will cheer me up! =)

Life's too short to make myself unhappy for others

Sometimes, I think teenagers have the right idea. Their self-centeredness and selfishness. Why should I suffer for the sake of others? It's selfishness I guess, but it's also self-preservation. If I know I will be unhappy, I shouldn't agree for the sake of agreeing. Why should I force myself to do something I know I'll feel resentful about and then complain about it?

Okies! Decided. Life's too short to make myself unhappy deliberately.

And so....

And so, NG-neechan left our sunny shore today. It was great seeing him again! His note at the airport made me laughed. Hehe... smart guy indeed. The dim sum in the morning was fabulous, the company fantastic and Sentosa was unexpectedly fun. All in all, a good day.

Piles of work left undone. Sunday promises to be a busy day. sigh...

I wonder why...

I wonder why I still bother... I can rationalize it with myself and I'm clear and cool with my rationalization of the issue. I wonder why I still feel upset about it. I wonder if it is the person in question. Liking and/or disliking someone is often irrational. Of all the traits I dislike, being dependent is the worst of the lot. Being on an emotional roller-coaster because of another person is not something I should ever do nor am I keen to do so. It's just seems so tiring. Social distancing is something I should do. The less contact the better. But it's so hard to distance myself when the other person's so sweet sometimes. Don't be too nice to me please...

latchkey kid

I think I finally have a slight inkling on how latchkey kids felt being left alone at home with no one else. In a sense, while dad and mum went out to work or to play mahjong, Tita was the one I spent the most amount of time with while I was growing up and I guess I was never lonely because of her.

Tita went back to the Philippines today. It's really amazing how quiet the house gets without her. First we lost Toby and now she's not here anymore. The house is really getting quieter and quieter. I used to be able to come home and say "Tita! I'm home! Anything to eat/drink etc etc" But now, I can't do that no more. 20 years is a really long time to get used to another person. But then again, I'm not a kid anymore and I do understand that separations are a fact of life. I just wish that she'll recover and come back to Singapore soon soon. =)

2007

Stayed back today with my little ah bengs. They had to finish up their SS test. We started talking and one of the subject was actually my 4E5'07. Hahaha.... my ah bengs are so cute. They started comparing their size with the 4E5s! Saying how my 4E5 looked so grown up when they were in sec 4 and how they thought they'd grow up like that and instead they look damn small and kiddish as compared to my 4E5'07. Kekekeke.... that's why they need to act fierce so people won't think they're sec 3s. LOL I think my kids are adorable! It's one reason why I like teaching so much. I have no liking for the admin work but the interaction with the kids is seriously a major draw. They keep me young.

Speaking of my 4E5'07, I think that 2007 is seriously my fav year. My 4E5 was there, so's my 4E2/3, my 3E3 was fantastic, my sec 1s were adorable. On a personal note, relationship outside sch was also smooth. All was good back then. The same cannot be said for now. I realised that I get more and more greedy as I grow older. Must be part of the growing old process. We get more possessive. =)

To end on a positive note, at least my form class is cute and there's no CCA for the past 2 weeks! LOL

I've tried updating a few times before this but....

to no avail. There's simply nothing to write about. June holidays came and passed. I don't feel rested at all!!!! Though the Vietnam trip with Shin and Shan was fun!

I love black and white pictures and thus attempt to recreate my Vietnam experience in Black and White. The full colour experience can be viewed on facebook. =)

Took this outside a Hindu temple in Ho Chi Minh. Such a rare sight, a Hindu temple that is. 

A super adorable little girl we met in a bag shop along some road. Super cute! Reminded me of myself when I was young. Waahaahahahaaahaa...

Mother Mary

The Church we visited. 

At the War Remnants Museum...  

A photo that left a very deep impression on me.

Auntie sitting at the roadside

Saigon Online!

We had to visit some factory who employs handicapped workers as part of our Cuchi tunnel tour and these are some of the stuff we saw

This was actually a very tiny figurine of Buddha 

I know I'm supposed to take pictures of the tunnels but the worm caught my eye instead =P

And the souvenirs! They are so adorable! Couldn't help myself from taking a few pictures of the toys on sale. Didn't buy any of them though.

Saigon traffic-scape

But unfortunately, right after that nice trip, I've got to prepare for ATC during the last weekend of the holidays. T_T It was an extremely stressful 2 days 1 night with the additional H1N1 scare and other cock-ups. =_=

School resumes with its horrid monotonous routine and it's the beginning of my countdown to the next holidays all over again! 

Oh ya! I cut my hair again! I think I look like I'm wearing the helmut of Darth Vader! T_T But at the same time, I think it makes me look younger! Hmmm... don't know if it's a good thing or not. 

Today...

Today I went for training and felt really happy. Even though the air-con was spoilt today and training in bougu was like being in a mini suana inside a huge suana. For that few hours every Sunday, I am only thinking about improving. Going back is really one of the best decisions I've made in a long long time. 

Today I was eating a water chestnut and thought to myself... if Toby was still around, he would have ran towards me and stare at me with those adorable eyes, begging for a treat -namely, the water chestnut I was eating. But Toby's not around anymore. I am perfectly fine most days and most times but sometimes, I would feel his loss keenly. Real grief comes in waves. J mentioned that it'll take time before the pain eases and all that's left are all the warm memories. I hope that stage comes asap. 

I was searching for the receipt of my new macbook in order to claim my LDS! But to my horror, it's nowhere to be found. Instead, I found a letter written by one of my ex-student 2 years back. He gave the letter to me when he came back to collect his results and it was also a happy birthday card. Reading it again really lifted my spirits. He was one of my first batch of students and really, they're special. Nothing else can really replace them. His words of gratitude made me equal parts happy as well as slightly ashamed. I think I've become more competent over the years and yet, I'm no longer as "involved" in my current kids as compared to this first batch. Back then, even though I'm really blur and incompetent at times, I can really say I gave it my all. Now, I feel that I held a little something back at times. Oh well, I guess there's still time for me to ratify this issue. I do miss my first batch sometimes but I also get the idea that kids grow up and there's only so much you can do for them. Some of them still keep in touch via msn and e-mail and I guess that's better than expected. 

The receipt's still nowhere to be found. My 400 bucks! T_T

Sunday

I skipped training today and stayed home. I used to resent the fact that I must spend at least some time at home on Sundays to take care of the dog. Now I wished that there is a dog for me to take care of. The house seems so empty without Toby and he was such a quiet dog. His presence is sorely missed. 

I saw the plate of chicken fingers my Tita fried before she left the house and it reminded me of last week when Toby gobbled down the whole plate before any of us realised that it was there. We were equal parts worried and amused because when it comes to food, Toby was really determined but he was slightly allergic to chicken. 

Writing about him in the past tense is really hard. 

All dogs go to heaven

I woke up at 3.48am and couldn't really get back to sleep. Perhaps it'll help if I write about it. Yesterday, my Toby passed on. It was the fits. The vet suspected brain tumour. He's only in his 7th year. I remember seeing the slight grey on his coat and thinking to myself, 'how did this get there so fast?' I remember him that morning, lying there sleeping as per usual, as he was always doing. =( I remember telling Tita that he needs a bath coz he's going to be without one the whole week Tita will be in hospital. According to mummy, he had a nice bath that morning and ate lunch before the fits occur. Mummy choose common cremation for Toby. At least he'll have friends there.

I think the person taking this the hardest is my Tita. She's the one who's always with Toby. Even mummy and daddy cried. But I think it hits her the most. I wish he's still around so I can hug him when I feel like it. I miss him so much.

But I definitely do not regret Toby. Had a short talk with J and we talked bout his past incidents and habits a little. I think he brought the family joy as well as a little trouble sometimes but mostly just joy. And my life is richer with his brief presence in my life. At least now, I can safely say. I actually like animals more than their human counterparts. Friends are different of course. Toby was more than a friend. He was family. Even though I do not regret Toby, I don't think I'll ever have another dog again. That peace-loving dog is irreplaceable.

I'm feeling the effects now....

Anyways, I guess it warrants a blog-post. I went back for training!! And the important thing was... I survived~ hehehe.... of course I'm feeling the after-effects of it now. I'm just not as young as I used to be. 

Strange thing is... I felt really horrid when I was lugging my bougu down for training.... but when it was time to put on the men... and when I was doing the kihon cuts, I felt really happy. Strangely so... like, so damn happy I'm in my bougu and training! I don't know how long this enthusiasm will last me. But I'm hoping it'll last for a long time yet! =)

And of course, my muscles are aching like crazy now. =_=

CIP with the kids