Traumatised!

Was looking to kill some time on a lazy Sunday afternoon... so I was at the forum dedicated to the sacred profession. Man... it's freaking scary lah! It made me wonder why on earth did I ever sign on the dotted line?? the worse thing is, I can fully empathise with whatever was written in the forum!! Especially on the issue of discipline... or the lack there of. *shudders*

I haven't been in the profession long but even I can see the problems and the "powers that be" are wondering why so many of us are escaping once the bond is up. Hahaha... coughMORONScough...

But on the other hand, the kids can be real adorable when they want to be. *shrugs* Got to take the good times with the bad i supposed. =P

oh well...

one of my fav politician is being sued for graft. so sad... i know there's no such thing as a 100% honest politician... but i do hope that he's innocent. =)

Went for a course for BT today and saw lots of old friends. Esp SZ. but apparently, the whole lot of them went for a different course so we didn't get to talk at all. T_T. i miss them quite a bit lah. but the mainpoint was, the lot of us (N excluded), actually went off half-way during the course! we're starting to act like our kids. =_= but i'll have to say that it was rather exciting coz for a moment in time, i thought that the admin lady was going to come after us. =_= but that bloody JS's NATO lah- No Action, Talk Only. Talked so much bout leaving but in the end, it's the girls that left instead. i swear it's got to do with the school culture. perhaps people at DH don't do this kinda things. hahaha...

tomorrow will be a good day! =)

DEADLINES

hahahaha... my bro showed me this site and this particular cartoon just speaks to something in me. Many a times I've felt exactly the same.

The end of the week is coming! woohoo!!

I'm feeling slightly happier now that the week is coming to an end. Hehe. It helps that the kids have been very sweet(though a little weird) on msn yesterday and the class is very responsive today, though I think it's because of the chocolates I gave out as bribes. =_= If my sec 4s will be motivated, I really don't mind buying them chocolates everyday!

I think I like Thursdays. =)

Feeling a little down...

School's not all that great. Expectations are a little higher than reality. But I guess that's the case more often than not. *shrugs* Nothing to be done bout that I suppose. I could learn to care less bout them or I could try harder. I honestly don't know which way I would go but both ways are equally tough. They are mostly nice kids... and I can't seem to harden my heart and just give up. Sometimes they really disappoint me. What I really can't stand is their negative attitude. How they (or at least some of them) would just give up without even trying. It pisses me off more than anything else. Why should I try so hard for you when you've already given up on yourself? But then miraculously, they'll do something really impressive/sweet/touching, then the anger will be gone.

Off-topic...J will be off for a week to our friendly neighbouring country for work. Gone is my makan/bitching/bak kwa queuing buddy. T_T I guess there'll be no bak kwa queuing this year. Gone are the days when we have the time and leisure to queue (like obasans) for bak kwa during CNY. Luckily, there's something called the delivery service. =)

Ps: I fucking hate tuesdays... T_T

Routine

Mid-January now... life's been preoccupied with school. *sigh* Kendo and my social life all took a backseat to work recently. After all, graduating classes are no joke. I'm so worried about them. Because I really like these kids. They are all sweet kids despite their "ah bengish" exterior.

Social-life is almost non-existent. But I'm generally closer to my colleagues. They're really interesting people. Life in school is fun because of them... and to some parts because of the kids.

Asstea entered me for Youth Tourney. I'm so not prepared lah. But it's my own fault. I haven't been training since Kendo Camp last year. Think I'm gonna be slaughtered this time round. Even ZX msged to tell me not to enter unprepared. I seriously hate to disappoint my seniors. Especially ZX, since he was my Captain last time. I don't understand where my commitment to kendo went. I'm a lazy bum lah. Let me take it one training at a time, starting tomorrow.

Back to school madness...

Long day today. Went back for staff meeting today. Wah. It was good meeting all my friends again but the meeting was another matter altogether. =_= Overall, I can feel the slow madness of school starting... arghhhh....the timetable's out, and everything's starting to pile up! And my table's not clear of this year's stuff yet! ahhhhhhh.......

Madness...

T_T

Peaceful Christmas Eve

Met up with old friends today. 11 years since we've known each other. Time really flies. Realised how much I've changed and at the same time not change since my secondary school days. Realised that we've aged as well. Haha... inevitable I guess. T_T Also realised that we're at different stages of life. They're discussing marriage... as in seriously discussing when and where etc and it's still such a foreign concept to me. I just can't imagine myself doing it in the next 5 years or so. Talked bout the OBC coz one of them went through the course with me. Missed my squadmates. Well, some of them at least... =P

It was good to catch up with them and Christmas is meant to be spent with good company, not squeezing with the disgusting people in orchard or any other crowded places. Just the thought of being in the Christmas crowd at public places is enough to make me cringe in disgust. So ya. This year's Christmas Eve is the quietest i've ever spent... but also one of the more relaxing and peaceful ones in recent years. =)

The dreaded course that turned out to be not so dreadful in the end...

Heh. For all the whining I've done about "the course", I'd actually enjoyed it lots! I've learnt things I'd never have thought I'd learn in my life, had the experience of overcoming my fear, and knowing some of the most amazing people (some are not so amazing...) through the course of these 3 weeks. I wouldn't say that I'm a full convert, but I've began to see the allure of uniformed groups. The things you learn, the experiences you experience, even the bonding between squadmates... These are the stuff you can't find anywhere else. Even though this course ate up a significant part of my precious holidays, it's still worth it. I do yearn to be free from the course at times, but now that it's over, I feel kinda sad. But still, I'm left with a new found respect for my CCA now.


Went into the "Furnace". The flames were beautiful.... But super scary lah. Still, it's one of the more interesting experiences during the course...


After "attempting" to put out a fire (which cannot be put out coz it was remote controlled), me and my act-cute buddy decided to pose for the camera. Hahaha...


here's my squad, all dressed up in hazmat suits, marching merrily along to the "gas chambers".


Here's us again after experiencing the effects of tear gas without the protection of the suits. With the suits on, we really couldn't feel any effects. But we were made to remove some parts of the suits and to take off our masks at some point of time and that's when the effect really hits us. Woah... Not a pleasant experience... but definitely interesting to say the least...

Phew...

Exciting day today... Not good for my mental health. Thank god for the great people in school!! Like shan, shin and dom! wah... rushing out work review on the deadline itself is no joke! I nearly died... T_T but it's all over and done with! And I have no lessons tomorrow~ yipee!!!

Speaking of lessons... Things hasn't been going too well. =_= The attendance is dismal and frankly speaking I don't blame them (too much). If I were a student, I wouldn't want to come back to school for extra lessons anyways. But still, it's hard for me to continue with lessons at this rate. And I do realised that I've been rather harsh on the kids recently. Sigh... Maybe I'm taking out some of my frustrations on them.

Note to self: Must not do that anymore... Must be fair to them... =_=

Roar!!!

I don't wanna go to school tomorrow!!! T_T Oh why can't I still be a student... Then I can go to school and stone out. But I can't! coz I got to teach!!! *cries*

spent the weekend rotting at home... coz I have no money left. But it feels good to rot at home. *shrugs* maybe I'm a natural bummer. haha.

fuck! I hate planning lessons!! Especially after the fucking exams!! FUCK!!!!!

okies... done venting... back to work. =_=

Post exams syndrome

I think I'm eating too much. There's just nothing much for me to do... Except eat that is. =_= actually, I do have work to do. Just that it's not so urgent nowadays. All the stress of marking, the horrid promotion exercise, even the bulk of post-exams activities are over and done with. Even the fieldtrip out with my form class was fun. Embarrassing but fun. In fact, the past week has been pretty relaxing. Spent it catching up with old pals over dinner and going for training. I want to make it for training at least once a week from now on. Excluding the period of my 3 weeks course of course. T_T man... I want to weep at the thought of the course. T_T

okays... Got to go back to writing remarks for my kids. Man... It's so tough to think up different positive stuff to say bout each of them. Now I understand the pain of my old form teachers. And that having a "bubbly disposition" (something I've always gotten in my report books) is merely an euphemism for being talkative and loud. =_=

Marking Season...

It's the marking season now and things are crazy... I think the amount of marking I have to do is horrid to say the least... all essays!!! I hate reading lousy essays... they put me in a foul mood. Add in the fact that my wisdom tooth is acting up and I have a new series of books to read is enough to drive me nuts! All I can think about are my books! Now I have to resort to "rewarding" myself with a few chapters when I've finished marking certain classes. =_=

I feel so restricted!!! And I so dread the impending visit to the dentist... mainly because of the cost involved... =_=

Similarities...

I came across this article called "Changing Russia" on the BBC website
a while ago, and was struck by its similarities with our tiny little island state.

I met one old man, a veteran of the siege of Leningrad, hanging around outside a shop in St Petersburg where I had just bought a razor and pack of blades which cost more than a Russian pensioner's basic income.
Now you could not quite say he was begging - he was selling packets of old-fashioned cigarettes which still come in their Soviet-era packaging at slightly inflated prices.
He had seen the same thing done by the sharp young men who run stalls in tourist flea-markets and he had copied the idea for himself - another little victory for market economics.
I bought a couple of packs and we stood chatting for a while as the evening sun smoothed the ripples off the Gulf of Finland behind us and left it looking like a sheet of beaten steel.
On my journey back to my beachfront hotel I found myself threading my way through a car park filled with Mercedes and BMWs and even the odd Bentley.
Clearly Russia's spectacular transition has created winners as well as losers.

Doesn't it just reminds you of the old aunties and uncles selling tissue in the middle of Orchard Road?

Nothing much happened this week but...

it's also not quite accurate to say that nothing happened. I finally cleared the third and last (for now) of the BT courses assigned to us by the powers at the 'dark tower' today. Although the courses were basically a bloody waste of time, and the trainers were pretty boring, it was nice making new friends and seeing old friends at these courses. It was fun trading stories about the kids and the different cultures in different schools. What's more fun was to be able to act like students once more. The class was not well-behaved at all, which was kinda an irony coz the course was on classroom management. =_= I think some of us were even modelling the more unsavory behaviour of our students. Even JS (one of my old mates at nie) thinks that the trainer today has (in his words) "condemned" us in her "little black book" for being "bad students". Hahaha... that guy ah! Super funny when he wants to be, telling us stories bout how he "terrorised" his kids at CND and DH. We were singing the stupid buffulo song near the end of the course (it's not part of the course though but we were really really BORED) and till now, I still can't get the bloody tune out of my head. Arghhhh... it's driving me nuts!

On to other news, it's the last quiet week I'll have for quite a long time to come. The papers will be coming in starting next monday and I'm kinda nervous over the results of my kids. I really hope they'll be able to do well for the paper. Well, if not well, that they would be able to do it at the very least, and I hope that it wouldn't put them off the subject. One reason I resent the BT courses so much was because it took my time away from school so near the exams! I can't even arrange extra lessons for the kids who want them. Sigh... it's all up to them now since the paper is on monday. PLEASE STUDY!!! *prays*

T_T

Made a huge mistake at work recently. It's all because I was too careless... =_= the amount of work to be done to rectify the mistake is humongous! But it’s done at long last!!

At times like these, I’m really grateful for all the understanding, fantastic and supportive friends and colleagues I have. To help someone when you're free is a nice thing to do but to help someone when you're swamped with your own work is truly exceptional. Thanks auntie keong for helping me with the paper and giving me constructive opinions! I really appreciate it. =)

J, thanks for listening to me whine bout my own mistake. =) I really needed to vent bout it.

Can't Cry Hard Enough

No... I'm not depressed or anything...

I just heard this song over the radio and it got me thinking bout my year one days when I walked home from the mrt station after training (with the huge and heavy bougu), listening to this song on my discman (back in the era before my ipod). They may be "primitive", but those were good days! I've not heard this song for ages! Ever since I lost the CD with a long time back. Even though it's a rather depressing song, it sure as hell brings back good memories.

Ahhh... I want to be a student again. Oh what would I give to be able to sleep in lectures, eat in class, or having the liberty to skip lessons just coz I don't feel like going once again. hahaha....

Perspective is really a scary thing. The things I've just listed happens to be the very things I scold my kids for, every bloody single day! =P

Tomorrow is Wednesday and the week will be over soon!!! I sure hope I can make it down for training on Thursday. *crossing my fingers* =P

Constricted

Been feeling a little tight around the chest these days. And no... It's not because I've been eating too much or anything. It's just a feeling of being restrained, enclosed. It's pretty weird because I've just got to know my colleagues better these days with all the gossiping in the staffroom and the dragonboat training and what nots. And yet, I still feel closed in. It's like my life revolves around school and nothing but school.

I miss kendo and life in general. =_=

It's over...

And thus, the much awaited and longed for holidays are over. I'm not looking forward to the year-end holidays coz I've got to go for a 3 weeks course. T_T

Honestly, the holidays just flew by me. I mean... Suddenly it's Sunday once more and school starts tomorrow. T_T I'm sure many of the kids feel the same way I do. But misery shared doesn't make it better. T_T

I used to think that I like going for courses and missing class... But after a while, I realised that it's just not worth it. The amount of "catch up" one has to do is horrendous. Missing classes is just not worth that shit. I'll be on course for 2 days this coming week and I'm already dreading the amount of time wasted and work to be done the subsequent week. arghhhhhhhh........

Ahhh... The amount of work to be done today is mountainous... But I feel like lazing the whole day... decisions decisions....=_=

Ahhhhhh........The week's half gone!!! What on earth happened to it??!!!

T_T

It's Wednesday. The week's half gone.... and not much work had been done. ahhhh... I'm so inefficient. =_=

Today I held my first extra lesson in the hols and only 15 turned up. While I'm happy these 15 turned up... I'm kinda sad that the rest didn't. =_= I'm sort of comforted that some (the "naughty" ones) came especially for my class and actually attempted to pay attention. But overall, it can be counted as a flop lah. =_=

Moral of the story... Don't be too ambitious or too positive... Murphy's Law almost always holds true.

But I like those kids a lot... I also don't know why. hahahaha....